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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25326103">five stages of falling in love</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/giftedsun/pseuds/giftedsun'>giftedsun</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>5+1 Things, F/F, Pining, Spoilers..., Unshakable Convictions zine, almost. lol. i will write a followup +1, mocasayo, stan mocasayo. stan talent, two-sided pining, why r they perfect.</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 04:07:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,480</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25326103</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/giftedsun/pseuds/giftedsun</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>sayo, more than anything, cannot have a crush on moca aoba. she simply can't.</p><p>.... well...</p><p>(written for UNSHAKABLE CONVICTIONS zine)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aoba Moca/Hikawa Sayo</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>46</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>five stages of falling in love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>i. Denial</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It isn’t that she hates Moca Aoba.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sure, Sayo finds her to be lazy, and annoying, and more than a bit offensive, but that isn’t why she’s begging Yukina for a reprieve.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Any other guitarist would be fine,” she says. “Even Hina.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yukina purses her lips and shakes her head. “It’s not about personal feelings,” she reminds Sayo, who huffs a sigh. “Even if it was, when Toyama-san introduced the idea of cross-band practice, she wanted us to form better relationships with the other members. It’s why they have me paired up with Tsurumaki-san, anyways.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And that’s how Sayo finds herself scheduled to practice with Moca Aoba for the foreseeable future.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So they practice together. The first occasion brings nerves for Sayo. She knows that her own practice methods are grueling. The last thing she wants is for Aoba-san to think she’s a tyrant, but at the same time, she isn’t willing to let down her usual standards. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Moca is already at CiRCLE when Sayo arrives, which strikes her as odd. Even odder is the stamina Moca has when she practices, on par with Sayo herself. They play for two hours straight, </span>
</p><p>
  <span>until Sayo swallows her pride and calls a break.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She doesn’t mention it, but Sayo knows: Playing for that long is impossible unless you’ve worked at it before. She knows all too well the work that goes into it, the diligence it </span>
</p><p>
  <span>requires.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So that’s where her respect for Moca Aoba begins.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And, for Sayo, she couldn’t begin to feel anything, </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything</span>
  </em>
  <span>, if she didn’t respect the other </span>
</p><p>
  <span>person. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She doesn’t let herself dwell on the pounding in her chest or the flush of her cheeks. It’s just the </span>
</p><p>
  <span>summer heat, or the fact that she was walking quicker than usual. Nothing to do with seeing </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Moca on her way to CiRCLE.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That’s what she tells herself, anyways. It becomes harder to deny when the weather falls colder </span>
</p><p>
  <span>and colder, and Sayo still finds herself blushing as bright, but she’s still adamant— Moca Aoba is nothing more to her than a nuisance, who is slightly tolerable. Sometimes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Perhaps she has a heart murmur. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>ii. Anger</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Okay, maybe Moca is a hard worker. That doesn’t change how absolutely infuriating she is.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She never lets Sayo off the hook for anything, and is constantly poking at her and teasing her. For anything. Sometimes, Sayo is even impressed by the way Moca crafts a jibe (that is, for a millisecond before she starts reprimanding the other girl.)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>To make matters worse, the blush on Sayo’s cheeks and the pang in her chest won’t go away. </span>
</p><p> </p><p><span>To make matters </span><em><span>worse</span></em><span>,</span> <span>Moca begins to notice.</span></p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sayo-san must have a crush on Moca-chan, with how red her cheeks are when we practice~” Moca sticks her tongue out at the other girl.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sayo freezes. Moca says something about tuning their guitars, but Sayo can’t hear it over the pounding in her ears.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“A-A-Absolutely not! How could you even think of something so ridiculous?!” she manages to spit out. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Moca-chan won’t blame you if you fall in love with her. After all, I am irresistible!” Moca flashes a grin, which only adds to Sayo’s irritation.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sayo can’t— </span>
  <em>
    <span>won’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> allow herself to fathom it. A crush on </span>
  <em>
    <span>Moca</span>
  </em>
  <span>, of all people? Even with their practices, which have become more and more casual, and their few meetups at cafes here and there, there’s no way…</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There’s no way, right?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But then the next time they meet up, Moca makes some stupid joke, and Sayo finds herself laughing at it. Not just a giggle, either— a snorty, stupid laugh. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Moca stops in her tracks. “Sayo-san, you alright?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sayo blushes, attempts to hide her face in her jacket. “I’m fine, Aoba-san.”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>For once, Moca doesn’t push it and tease her, but when Sayo finally gets home and lays down on her bed, she admits the truth to herself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She has a crush on Moca Aoba.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Tragically.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>iii. Bargaining</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s illogical and embarrassing and Sayo wants to reject it, to push it far away or lock it up in a box and forget about it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Moca Aoba. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Why couldn’t it have been anybody else? A month ago, Sayo would have said her ideal girl was someone kind, caring, compassionate, genuine. Someone who Sayo could at least </span>
  <em>
    <span>understand</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She imagines introducing Moca to her parents. A moment later, Sayo rolls over and smashes her face into a pillow.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Before she falls asleep, head full of despairing thoughts, she makes a wish that her feelings will disappear when morning comes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>… it doesn’t come true.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>iv. Depression</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yukina finds out. By extension, Lisa also finds out.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sayo really, really doesn’t want to talk about it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Lisa really, really does.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sayo, you know, Moca and I have the same part-time job, and we talk a lot while on shift!” She says cheerily, touching Sayo’s shoulder. They’re sitting at the tables outside CiRCLE, Yukina solemnly watching the two of them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sayo presses her lips together, trying not to ask— </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She talks about you a little bit, actually. Moca says Sayo-san is totally strict, but with a fun side,” Lisa leans in closer, pointing at Sayo, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>and </span>
  </em>
  <span>is super cute.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yukina quietly takes a sip of her tea. Sayo tries to not flush bright red.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can put in a good word for you if you want!” Lisa adds, smiling knowingly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sayo frowns. “You haven’t already?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, of course, but—”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mitake-san says that Aoba-san also speaks of you frequently.” Yukina cuts in, speaking pointedly at Sayo.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Since when do you talk to Mitake-san?” asks Sayo, incredulously.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Unimportant. What’s important is that you act on your feelings, since Aoba-san appears to return them. Then you can go back to focusing on Roselia.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“All of that doesn’t mean that she </span>
  <em>
    <span>likes</span>
  </em>
  <span> me!” Sayo says, raising her voice. “Just because Aoba-san speaks of me sometimes, doesn’t mean we’re suddenly going to date or something. So let’s just drop it!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>From across CiRCLE’s courtyard, Himari Uehara’s eyes go wide.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sayo, realizing her volume, turns around slowly. As she makes eye contact with Himari, her face blooms red.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>...Oh </span>
  <em>
    <span>no.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>v. Acceptance</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sayo is certain that Moca must know by now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>On an unrelated note, she’s spent the last 24 hours in her room, feeling generally miserable and pathetic.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>...Honestly, this is ridiculous. It’s just a little crush, Sayo thinks. Nothing to get so worked up about. No reason to curl up on her bed with a pint of ice cream, phone firmly face down on her nightstand. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A sliver of light enters the room, followed by a soft, “Onee-chan? Someone’s here to see you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sayo frowns. “Who?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Um.” Hina seems to be figuring out what to say. “A… friend?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hina,” Sayo says forcefully, stomach curling, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>who?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re not gonna like it… um, Moca-chan is waiting downstairs.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sayo blinks once. Twice. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hina?! Hold her off! I need to— oh god, I look awful. Give me a moment to clean up. Can you— I don’t know— entertain her?” Sayo asks frantically, pushing herself up into a standing position.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No prob!” Hina laughs, shutting the door behind her as she bounds down the stairs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Fifteen minutes later, Sayo’s mostly presentable, and Moca Aoba is standing in front of her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hi, Sayo-san,” she says, drawing out her words.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Um.” Sayo answers. “Do you want to go on a walk?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Eh?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sayo expects a joke about her coming on to Moca. She really does not think she can take it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Lead the way, then.” Moca answers.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Outside, the night is cool. There’s a full moon.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Seems auspicious, Sayo hopes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So,” she says, as they cross the street, “I suppose you know by now.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Know what?” Moca says, so innocently that Sayo almost believes her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t make me spell it out for you!” She snaps playfully. As they walk, her hand brushes against Moca’s.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She wants to take her hand.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She doesn’t.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah, Sayo-san, do you want me to spell it out for </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” Moca sounds somewhat urgent, even through her drawl.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Spell what out?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Moca stops walking. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Maybe the fact that I asked Kasumi to rig it so we’d have to practice together? Or that this entire time, I’ve been harboring a big, fat, lesbian crush on you, too?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sayo turns around. Moca’s fists are clenched, her eyes turned downwards.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Aoba-san, you can’t be serious,” Sayo gasps, stepping towards Moca.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Moca nods. “Serious as, well, you are.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sayo reaches for her hand, and grasps it firmly. “I— I don’t know what I’m doing. But you know that I like you too, yes?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Based on what Hii-chan and Ran and Lisa-san told me? Yes. Ehehe, Sayo-san isn’t very subtle, is she~” Moca laughs, looking up at Sayo.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Well, I— I don’t— Ugh, Aoba-san. Would you, um, like to go out sometime?” Sayo blusters, gripping the other girls hand.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Moca grins. “Yes. I really, really would.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thanks for reading :) be sure to check out UNSHAKABLE CONVICTIONS, which is on sale until 7/25/20. thanks, and let me know what you think of this!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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